Danny James

407: Immunity

Not dwelling or striving, but temporarily aside and exempting the heart from all that does not succour its health. Good men are grave, yet hold at bay a sublime resplendence reserved for the first ray of morning light on the prairie.

406: Breathe this air

Now and then, you will look up suddenly from a task and being acutely aware of a benign agitation you have paid little notice of, you’ll straighten. By some prompting of curious immediacy you’ll crawl out from the heap you’ve taken upon your shoulders and step outside of the blur of passing moments to try to place an undistracted light on what signal is attempting to reach you amid your madness. Whatever small struggle persisting that somehow has remained undiscovered all this while. You will begin reaching back and wading through your collection of thoughts and memories looking for something that seems increasingly meaningful and imperative to the life that you’ve begun to slumber through. Like a treasure you’ve buried and will come back for someday, and somehow someday becomes almost a lifetime. When the day finally arrives that you begin digging and wondering what has happened to wonderment all these years, your curiosity escalates into an increasingly desperate fumbling in the darkness groping at you know not what, as though you cannot find your gold in the dirt anymore or fathom how you were compelled to bury something so important in the first place. Then suddenly, the bud unfolds and discloses its beauty; a knot unties and the design emerges as always, that appeared at first glance but convergence of happenstance and confusion. How remarkable that you are still surpassed by anything in this world and mostly your own actions. As usual all the questions and torments stop and dissolve, all thoroughfares eventually append at Her image. Thee, without whom seems all but a thread of same days.

It’s not that you’ve forgotten because you never have and never could, how to survive. It’s that you now choose to live like it was all there was and could be, and as though you’ve spent what was worth spending and will now go on never attempting to make your life an exhaustless string of wonderful and contrasting experiences such as make living what it is.

Life goes on living anyway, so go with it then. Else what?

405

If you had stopped to survey the damage you were causing you might never have experienced anything worth while.

404

Better.

403: Banks and Angels

You were cautious this time to restrain the hearts heat and slow the imaginations hurry to dilate the moment o the hearts insisting, but lo; how you were shaken of your plans when strolled thee into your life unapologetically happy and glowing against the evenings lights. But for many-a-days with thoughts spent swelling the past, when enters an angel expressing interest in going with you a-ways promising at last a life serene would you have found far nearer than had forever implied, the haven of your days. How we struggle to receive what we have not practice in giving and despair at the injuries in our Nature, contracting afraid against that loveliness before us we suffer most to behold.

402

Write it. Cast the overflow of your grateful heart toward the white clouds, peaceable there over the mountains, might it carried be lovingly, like a Dandelions seed on the wind across a whispering field. How pleasant for him, upon whose shoulder might your words fall; him wondering and in desert.

401

All this incessant preoccupation with productivity. To be deified of harmonising many errands, an unrelenting metabolism for busyness ever striving and dissatisfied. Success, that mountain with heights supposed upon the climber depends. From what desolation would you escape if arriving at a higher tier of achievement you take the same cold unfulfilled self you brought from the valley? What sits at the summit you have not? How few who reach for the top have filled their depths with the Sunlight.

400: Without complaint

Strange, where can one year place you. Or rather, what winds you no longer permit access to your sails. You recover eventually, when softly serve the seas to your harbour home, past what tempest inflicts its bitter tutelage that they do not cease so much as change in form and verve. The survivors and the tellers of their accounts have these insights passed down many since the very first interruption, – how strong men disappear and all kingdoms become dust. That he who is not prepared for disaster has not yet approached the defining torment of his tenure. Not yet had his greatest efforts curtailed by the instant, his hopes dashed upon the rocks like glass, nor been thrust helpless and broken upon a distant shore to contemplate long and lone, the final fairness of fortune. These are the years a man needs to carve his character and rebuild his principles from which might he rise again to reach for the horizons that hold his home.

I would sit by my window each morning writing letters to my friend, enjoying the pleasing song of the Auroral birds and moments of first sunlight. Soft Spring afternoons walking beneath halls of bristling trees that celebrated along the back streets. Autumns quickening across the Eastern Coastline trails groaning against the cliffs. These were quiet days in Bondi, where my heart did not shudder to where I took it and a calm had prevailed there at long last. Finally had I forgotten myself and saw grow in the warm fading afternoon light, a healthy recognition and respect for my surroundings once more. I felt in and through me, careening every pore and corridor the dynamic current of a deep and satisfying attunement with existence. I saw but only better days ahead, and breathed in long and happy the atmosphere of the life I was living presently and nothing could have thrown my down.

Yet, I had allowed a clumsiness with blessings to defeat me. By not daring to think myself deserving, I found myself quite unprepared for fortunes favour much less the ramifications of abiding my own impossible moral code. I looked for complexity and escape, a trapdoor in the rainbow, a reason to leave, to strive, to discard what peace and guiltlessness had I gathered because I knew not how to no longer struggle. It can be fatiguing being amazed all the time and preferring instead the comfort of falling and familiarity in moments of forgetfulness, you lay down in submission and allow the tensions overlap. I stopped marvelling at the Nature of things and sought instead to turn my back on Nature Herself and leave Her wide-eyed, agape and utterly alone; cut Her off of Her sweet intent, and succour all that would aim to render Her ridden. So I did thus, closed the shades, put down my pen and thought myself right out of the Nirvana in my lap. I strayed, plain and simple. Wandered from all that was possible of life because I was afraid of just what potency of rational spontaneity I did possess, and I do none or myself justice attempting to calculate it now, by fertilizing those plains where none from which but utter desolation grows. Because in the end, nothing is quite as important as you might first think at the time of thinking it. I strayed. The mind its own mountains can make, and one who for none but hindrances seeks so shall create them. What does not endeavour to cast a light across the plains embraces the cold and restriction of the valley floor. I took an interval from the life that I had constructed up to then. I’d packed my books and walked away, stole into woodlands remote and bustling cities not my own. I sought to be silent and welcoming to the ulterior perspectives of poets, philosophers, the vagrants and the drifters all getting along in the ways they new best. To let the thoughts come that Naturally may, that all the rest no grave import might prove and lo, like most things one decides to warp no further with imagination, shall begin to suddenly into its appropriate proportions fade. It needed to become clear again what it was that I did value, and who; What would I withstand for whom I love, what hardship could I absorb to uphold those precepts that I treasure most, and, within the kernel of those reflections I found reasons instead of rules for which to save my place in life and not go sauntering off into the woods resigned. Reasons that would implore me thus to emerge from my hovel with a greater surge of energy and an outlook far grander than ever before, to immerse myself engaged and ready so completely into all the possible experiences that this world as we now know it has to offer, and to make the very most of it all.

Just as at this time last year, there are some fine times ahead that will for many more afterward linger like a last lance of sunlight across the fading meadows of memory. My dear sister and husband have extended an invitation to visit them over Christmas and finally to meet my nieces I have heard so much about. Their cheerful slice of paradise they’ve crafted for themselves resides in the Tropical North Of Queensland among the surrounds of the Atherton Tablelands. I expect hikes in the hills and through the rainforests in search of hidden freshwater streams. Un-hurried walks in the cool shade of dawn, then eggs, coffee and reading on the back patio. Warm evenings in the hammock watching the stars awaken one by one, as the barbecue hisses followed by a gathering of smiling faces, great company, conversation and merriment the much long into the night. There’ll be S, of course. Strong, sassy and quietly brilliant, laying by the fire of our campsite next to the creek that drapes its way among the dunes and wilds, on and on and evermore. S runs along sunsets like a portrait and her bronzed sinews glisten fantastically in the blood orange sun. A few strands of sand-coloured hair escape their bonds and hug her cheek and I’ll want nothing more than to kiss her supple lips and leave my rushing life in Sydney to stay with her on the blanket by the fire. Instead I’ll slowly walk home from visiting with her and it’s the fact that I cannot simply pack up and start over again that makes our time together among the most heart stirring and perfect. Because though everything is now in focus and determined does not presume that it will be entirely likeable and never mind. The evening sky will convulse a haze of violet and glowing tangerine swirls behind the high hills and a gentle breeze will complement the warmth. The Universe and whatever particles make up my soul will seem to be mingled, same and jovial. I’ll finally give way to a smile sincere and knowing that with all the bitter and the balm, the noise and the calm the Universe is just, and all will be well in the end as ever. I’ll be happy and content in this moment with everything to be grateful for and everything to look forward to and I’ll ride this state without complaint unto my home somewhere in the gold and purple sunset.

Cairns, Christmas 2014

Cairns, Christmas 2014

399: Startle the Heavens

We climbed with Olympian vigour and reserves of immortality, with speed tearing space and time. From our astral thread fell away the stars and comets attempting to overtake. We brushed an outer ceiling and dared the edges, fatiguing Nature and contesting the rules of our make, waging a war worth all the while on the human bargain. We scorched the lands and startled the heavens, bounding with such force that each stride caused the Earth to groan and shudder beneath us, staggering in its cosmic sling attempting to stabilize.
We plunged unrestrained into what depths required us; physically, intellectually, spiritually and wholly. Our smiling mouths filled with dust. Our brows bore the struggles mark; eyes, glazed the reward lust of a reaching gasp, a leap across the chasm of an everyday existence, a hard-fought climb to the spires of our contents; A final attempt at one moment of everlastingness. One waned of resource, does feed by the exert of it. To seek and strive extracts the essentialness of the situation at hand and on the road, you hollow out on and something else, something more glorious and spirit preserving replaces what is spent. The depletion seems to be on a parallel trajectory to what is built and the more difficult, perilous and costly the ascension, the firmer a resolve to overcome is driven up from the depths. When the only finitude recognised is what holds within. When close to the heart sits a hunger that will not be covered over or silenced but engages energies otherworldly in the full pursuit of its own exhaustion.

398: Of the things I wish I knew

There’ll be some cold years son, and for the most part you’ll make them yourself. And though still you may not yet be all the way through, this much know:

The road that you take is the only one there is.
Who you are, is the only one who can make it.

Let the things that make you afraid, awaken in you who it is you need to be, to overcome. Do not go wandering off alone into the woods, there’ll be no retreat there. Put that thought out of your mind, and learn to let in again the love that you came with. Learn to love the world as it is and more importantly, your place in it. Because you’re going to be needed. Love, with the entirety of your gentle heart without the expectation that it might be returned; for a long time it will not, but that’s none of your business anyway. Above all do not lose your well-meaning and good cheer for anything.

…for anything.

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