133: Fly my pretties

by Danny James

”Thou dost occupy the rightful air for this private news; a sole utterance, that shall never after again have liberty, as with all my confessions that stand ready for the first tedium light through lips, to leap at the vista of thy sunset presence. How they would fly to thee with pretty autonomy, that twist and writhe in my pent. Like all my better qualities that finding need of thee go directly, obtaining tonic in thy inheritance and no other.”

”What news then is this, that grant’st thou one mention, and about my skies no less for its only flight?”

”I came not long ago upon an intersection, of great significance.”

”I know it well.”

”Better than any. I had then but two choices; both terribly contrary in exposure and comeuppance, and thusly would impact my life with vastly differing quality and measures of experience; one way against Nature, the other in accord. After many years on the former path with outwardly reward and success assured, but no delirium love; no deep and satisfying urgency, and certainly no influence of benefit upon the wider civic, and so I found myself perennially clamouring, and miserable, going but halfway in every endeavour, accomplishing nothing. In secret hoping of a havoc would erase the way and any bond I had to it forgotten, that would I at once be free and absolved. This was ill counsel I am aware now.”

”I believe thee to have been thoroughly out of thy mind, but when finally thy good heart consulted. It was the appropriate discretion. Men often don’t think themselves into happier states. The heart doth know the direction, the mind is to best the obstacles there.”

”Truth. There was to be no grand disappointment when I did walk away from all manner of compromise my heart could not risk itself to. It is true, thou canst not have confidence of arriving uninjured of any venture, but know that by Nature, all that happens must.
It was with nervous mirth I begun the present way, whereupon thy friendship gave, as well many pleasing unknowns and unforeseeable difficulties, with barely resource or payment but for the process: a satisfaction simply in the conduct of good and meaningful work that warms like the first rays of morning sun; knowing certainly there is no pointlessness attached to the tenure, though from the outcomes shadow have I removed myself.
These outlooks do cultivate an enjoyment and calculated haste for ones work, and dawns so a luxuriousness of imperatives the old order lacked, and nothing reflecting the shined shortage it profusely gave that draws men to their destruction. They think me mad, for slaying cold my future supposed, and displaying withal the look of unfettered relief, like to one who thinks he has rescued it.”

”But what fresh report dost thou eagerly bring, I would eagerly hear?”

”I’ll tell you, by some depraved humour the fates have now sought to insert a diversion, and with patience will I learn the root of the matter. Though I have far and happily taken this road, I have not yet come so far as to be obscured of the first, as well the capital it yields in the end, which heap the greater the farther I drift. Verily, the mind has at times stolen curious glances backward, pondering what awaits me there I did not go. It cannot be avoided. But to the mark, it has come to me now an offer thence, to return that way I shun and accept a position enviable and uppermost as can be achieved with what qualified talents I possess within the realms of that trade I abandoned.”

”Sir, art thou divided again?”

”Not a scratch! I cannot e’en acknowledge a brush. Providence perhaps that I can still looking back perceive it for every transparency it strains to hide, and it is but clearer now than a cloudless day, I cannot go to it. I would have it is fruition of all my previous efforts come too late; a final check of my resolve to live proper, it seems. Untutored would I happily have yore received that I am not the least by tempted anymore.

”All my gladness, smiles on you.”

It is a radiant light yet upon a wasteland, thy reassuring. For yet a chasm retains, that knowing thee of my newfound fortune of days, it feels like quite forever will lapse before thou wilt arrive again to the ending we had entertained, though but a moment passes in the present discourse. Wilt thou confirm false conjuring true? Methinks it a heavy task to wear merely my friendship, yet thou dost carry it so easily I would assume thou art holding none at all. If were my reason not by invention’s reign impaired I might instead behold in thine eye at this, a distant point of agitation flickering in the open cosmos thither. Then break at once ties, if it be so; that I esteem thee better than thou wouldst be esteemed. It is commonplace for all I do not want, to want me so.