135: Informed, adapt

On this first day of regular training since returning from abroad, has my poor body confessed the reach of fatigues ascendency; much lighter, and feeling weaker in every regard; an overall poorer case than I have been for some length, for seem all qualities diminished of their former vigour. Sleep has been troubled; steps are lead and my appetite low: I fear I may have incurred a protective reduced rate of metabolic processes. But, fear? What fear at this? The physic is in alarm, and but doing the work of preservation, that I have been rough with the vessel and largely unable of supporting to the best its holy business. Think to be thankful of it, that without thought, parts adjusts to aid though regrettable the direness that initiates thus. In truth, a recess was necessary from training rigours. Prior to the excursion, I had toiled intelligently for many months and relished the reaping, with a cool detachment from the outcomes, and taking a sincere and quiescent pleasure in the process. It was the perfect cognitive position for incubating change and growth, conformable to the more Natural but rarely ventured for crests and corners of human possibility. I thereby attained for this recreative assertion, if I may say with stiffened modesty, perhaps the deepest set and highest level of strength and conditioning than I have ever before enjoyed.
And this transferred well, with small spillover of polished improvement, to many other sides of the health prism: enhanced clarity of thought; temperance of emotional impulse; endurance, indifference, and an ever sustained stratum of high preparedness. To my very soul I felt a winged Olympian, well fed and strong and above all, with a directing mind bent to the wider affairs beyond the corporeal. It is hard to imagine that efficacy now, but it is not unraisable again.

Peppering of remorseful vanity this while threatened, by risking over clearness of reason to indulge the murky sympathies. Where is your self compassion now? Have you forgotten your earlier steel lamenting that which is not lost but merely away, and within your power to draw close again? Are you not more? Fair, you could not expect such intensity of bodily toll for fending so coarsely; sleeping as near to the earth and unguarded against the wildest moods of the elements; climbing and trekking entire daytimes short on food. To maintain here an elevated degree of fitness, such as thrives unindicted at home? No. Besides, what use of it? Indeed as earlier remembered, its development is an end in itself, and one aspect for that. If the Nature of our exercise must be appropriate to a predicted environment, then were not these volatile wildernesses such a court, for a trashing argument of your readiness? Was this also not an opportunity for expression of your designs resiliency? Did you have fun?

You do give up portions when you take to such trails, as having thee, the wilds too, yield its own. That is the health; informed, adapt. To assemble for, and receive all things and events; know them for what they are, and act accordingly; with acceptance and stability. All of life sure is a preparing, and some personal new knowledge has throughout been gained I am confident after all; others views have straight been replaced, and been risen by displacement have other tides within the human compartments. Chiefly important withal, have I found something residing there always in charge amid the changes… lividly individual, refusing, observing. Something quite indomitable.

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