Don’t complain, contribute.
If you had no fear preventing, who would you be now? Though it is not possible to annul those misgivings in thy breast, you must regardless, entertain at once the thought that it is not too late to live an honourable life. That you may approach your final repose, ready and content, – that throughout your lifetime being afraid did not once deter you from choosing the rightful course however difficult, or from making reparation – having summoned what strength was in you to act, not for your own, but for the common welfare, and enriching thus the lives of any who crossed your tenure in need, than rather shrink at your vulnerabilities. Far better to have done what you could for all, with what was of your own portion.
I would eventually return to the city, because I could be by myself best of all. And this wasn’t of much use to anyone else.
The sun appears to seek me this morning, as though I were especially in need of consolation. Or, perhaps if I am unfamiliar, what a greeting of unreserved warmth received, that sifts with gentle enquiry between sky bothering buildings to find me out each turn. Though I walk in alley shades presents no impediment to sunlight touch for majesty soaks there eventually. Such fine, fair-weather days make a man turn upon himself his criticism, and appropriately so if he any holds at all, as Nature Herself offers sour intent no harbourage, nor pursues a malicious result. It is who from Her wandering comes to round the experience miserly, incurring much of the perturbations one seeks to avoid. The wise, however, set to the task, with unguarded and scrupulous inner discourse, survey their own depths for any stall to progress, as either happening then or on the verge and inevitable, through life as in accordance with Nature, – for hindrances there located, are also there resolved.
Soul, are you well?
If you are, then it is well.
…but you are decreasing here. Admit fragility, for recent travels have again returned you alterated. When rather you be the agitator, firm with stoicism wherever stood, you waiver instead with shifting constitution arousing your aversions, over-moved by an enormity; of what remains unfinished, in what little you have seen of the globe; and how much you have spent already, morose and asleep without respite that has no right to any so far as are able. You do well, to keep in mind the debt is closing day by day, and to your own forfeit will any worth the while venture in life be undertook. Away then, where you will; for a moment will you be at all, and then you will be gone. What matter one hundred years hence and to whom where you stood as much as on what principles? To probe the Earth if for any reason choose not reason without, to perfect yourself, and take up all the truth can you carry to that end. Methinks you have drawn from this city what experience and development can of those aims, and have grown thus remarkably to what becomes its detriment, by staying. There is much to do, so this is farewell; all have been fine tutors.
Abaft a brooding climb, finally we mount the firmament, which suspends our dot with an affable keep and steadies our careen down the Tasman, settling ahead the finest conditions for flight have I ever encountered. The ocean and upper-wide parapet are an indivisible frontier of immaculate cobalt, that, were it not for one vivid and far-flung ivory thread, all ships and birds would negotiate the same strange territory (1).
By what I estimate to be journeys middle, and gladly redeemed of concern for accuracy in my projection of this days age, – the Sky and Earths bound is clear and imminent now. A rolling tumult of ashen brumal vapours pour in below, and delineates our vessels place in this wide realm between the vast under and above, and through effortlessly we soar.
Confirmed for 12:33pm – how I hadn’t asked.
Descending beneath the shroud in approach of our station, manifest appears the ample sea again, nearer than before that every ripple and indentation by Nature’s heavenly waft inscribed, – her living moving signature, from this vantage an exquisite precision of pixelation no man of this globe in all his possible ingenuity has mastered. The rough nooks and tiny tidemarks, the mere thousand-fold details in this bedlam are exactly shaped and even-spaced, such as imply a smoothness overall. Pulling this pattern from the particulars, becomes everything clear and thorough. The Suns showering grace is by mist-cover waned of its full majestic and small breakthroughs herald the clamour, like faded fog lights searching lone and in vain and though unable to break the sea bed, on what surface the couriers of light crash, spill carriage of gorgeous jewels (2). How a clear sky would bedazzle the eyes with visions of fantastic wealth. But this is not the domain of Earths golden orb, this is Aotearoa – ‘land of the long white cloud.’
I am four pages abused and not grounded yet. My thoughts are soaring, whirling heretic fireflies, and flailing I mean to jar every one of them, pale and ablaze just the same. Jotting down all apprehensions as they occur, however incomplete and nonsensical, faster than can reasons dust settle, clean of inauthenticity grown from some tainted soil in me fed by cheap incentives raining. Simplicity and immediacy is key, and tends portray the wisest outcome. For death is at hand, drawing every instant closer my heels, and long while I am writing is breath, no matter the kind or power. Some rather are astonished gasps, others a cough or wheezing any one aspect of the respiratory collective can induce by a moments perfunctory slip. O give me clean air, that I may expel my fumes and make parity with being.
The sun would have fallen on my musing, stepping down after the oceans brook from its lofty seat, had I not steered my look out again. Shoals and inlets increase, then I am unsure of the proper terms for these quiet natural developments, when I can name and navigate man-constructed bayous and disorderly boulevards without relation or concern. Methinks, for too long I have made my home in the city, and try soon enough to rectify this once and forever.
The border lands over where we enter are not the same as those from which we departed, nor as before that I remember them. Auckland’s edges are a rounded and boldly primordial to strength and apparently among the last by men breached, where the frayed and rampant outline of Sydney’s shredded shores resemble by comparison, an ever-polished town wincing free and kicked adrift of its despised histories evidence. It is little wonder to me, having exchanged considerable time in both whether similar aspects can be observed in a place as those of its inhabitants, or not.
Evening – close enough to schedule am shown to the hostel every bit the same as recollections depicted, I am not reported several minutes but to leave my belongings and wring what daylight remains, strolling this memorable hillside hamlet, for six years to my longing attached. I held to the outskirts, clear of the city centre which, however charming held no interest or value to me, preferring to have instead the smoke and pine layered slopes in the far prominence inside seeings ambit. I am struck with how startled I am by luxury of sky. Notwithstanding its permanence, Nelson’s corner thereof can occupy the greater share in ones field of vision unimpeded, and such grandeur displayed is always great source of immaterial tonicity to me. How little of all the first time I appreciated, that extends now a most genial invitation, to relish in qualities attractive to wise enjoyments pursuit. Gladdened withal, for where I have been, that so much the more is before me now.
When at last, a generations amount of study in one day exhausts the eyelids duties, I retire to the household that will be for five nights hereafter my home. – And it seems, that like the last time I was on the road, between some other drab and increasingly short interval of regular living, I am most awakened and secure now, falling once more into that place from which I shall never want to leave.
Improve every opportunity to sit aside passivity, with other reckless seekers, and exchanging such acumen as have lifted cities, pursue all that is truth and betterment for all.
They spread themselves o’er the sun-gladdened pavement consoled for the rare effect, and how nice, I thought, to be unstifled of anything at all, and mightily wished would it last that all my souls journeys or recesses were so unshod as my weary soles presently. Perhaps, but for the binding, no soothing completes, or prevails relief. That some constraint is significant if we are to appreciate consent of our wild hearts release, and enjoy a true and profound liberty. It occurred to me then, turning my absorptions above the boulevard, to what little sky remains unobscured; past those glass peaks that cloak the day under shade and thwart nights embrace with synthetic stars: long how it has been since my toes have at all felt a gentle meadows kiss, or a cold streams truth, that being detained have I succumbed to concretes treason. Have we too hardened become, unfeeling like to the bitumen?