Danny James

Tag: woman

488: Sally in the Sun

The realisation had barely settled upon the consciousness when my face had been brought home into Sally’s hands. As she whispered my name and drew close, I caught in the instant, the glimmer of long obstructed joyousness in her eyes. Suddenly, with space enough to run, and a great gasp of the soul free in the world at last.

We stood there awhile, utterly delighted and engrossed with each other, amid the crowd before the coal-face of Friday night service dissolving. They’ve occurred before in glimpses, perfect these gaps of Nature, and you’ve figured since you couldn’t be granted many more miracles similar.

We talked at the centre of a hurricane with the sun smiling perfectly overhead at the mouth. Actualized and fully engaged with the moment, we felt the surge of a vast and thrilling current, brimming to the surface yet remained all the while at ease in the deep and holy intoxication that overlapped our traumas.
”I didn’t want to interrupt,” She said genuine, unblinking and ablaze. I wished as soon as it left her lips that she had, and I would have immediately let my responsibilities crumble for the encounter.
I couldn’t help but consider, as Sally spoke how that if she were not already spoken for, her hands were a perfect fit for mine; her waist, impossibly alluring and I could see us laughing at many good times gone by as we lay next to each other on a sunlit hillside overlooking the Steel City, some years ahead of tonight. Just as I had finished imagining these things Sally had motioned with a sideways glance and rather quickly, that she was in fact here with her fiancé and his family celebrating, something that I couldn’t quite translate through appreciating the rapture of her returning smile. Sally was always so infectiously easygoing and buoyant about the future and yet I was detecting somewhere here with her, moments of stuttered thought and a gazing solemnity with but a whit of an unresolved irritation.

We parted with proprieties and cautious glances and that, I estimated was unfortunately to be the necessary end. Stricken is the heart under spell of the imagination.

481

How infrequently we recall, those sigh heavy times of grievance rarely are fed on the infinity invested.

477: Last Night

Experience is what you got when you didn’t get what you wanted.

Howard Marks

463: Overheard

There is danger that we lose sight of what our friend is absolutely, while considering what she is to us alone.
Henry David Thoreau

Consider who a person is in their entirety: who she is to the public, to her friends, to her family, who she strives to be, who she struggles being, who she delights in being. Consider all of this instead of only considering who she is to you. She is not just your mother or wife or sister…her life is much more complicated and affects so many more lives.

449

A little light came in today.

Remarkable, it has been day time all along.

Bondi, 2016

Bondi, 2016

448: Patagonia part 12

You’ll know. When you don’t notice the sunsets behind Her.

Danny James blog in Patagonia

445: Sunlight

06/12/2015 10:17PM
Ah…… How have we let do much time go by without a hug? Tell me about your life xxx
So*

08/12/2015 10:21PM
I have a beautiful view of the sunrise over Bondi’s ocean every morning. It helps quiet the mind and get’s my day started right. I jump on one of the 3 motorcycles that I own now and head to work early where usually I stay all day. I love my work, it’s extremely hard and extremely rewarding. It buries me most days, with sheer and responsibility. But it brings out the best in me. I’m helping other people and that is helping me. People rely on me now, and it is a heavy weight but I’ve never had so much strength and sense of purpose. It doesn’t feel like work as much as duty, though I’m trying as ever to balance the work/life thing. I feel like I have everything that I need, so I’m also finally warming to the idea that I should at least try to find a wife and settle down to a quieter life, with a family and all those things, and share something of something. I do struggle to picture it happening, but I admit to myself that it might be nice. I have wonderful friends who I don’t see nearly as much as I should. In the end I’m just really grateful these days, for the life that I’ve been given, and what I’ve built with it and I like the direction it’s going, and I’m taking more and more ownership of that direction and my choices as I go on ahead. I think I like the man I’m becoming. Always though, when I finally take a breather and step aside of all the rushing and busyness I find myself thinking of all the wonderful people who I miss so dearly and you always come to mind, peering over the hill like a beam of morning sunlight. You are one of my favouritest people on this Earth and I miss you.
x

443: Sally in the evening

I was delightfully careless, in this period. Acutely aware of an increase widening near and happy to let my evolution towards its full blanket and assuming occur. I let things lie as howsoever presented, and whatever purpose lie in the kernel had I no regard to discover. Perhaps for reasons wise in retrospect, had I little cause for restlessness here… fewer distractions at least.
Work was fine enough in fact, at times sociably enjoyable and about all the clockwork and responsibleness suited me at this junction of my maturation.

‘I am aimless here,’ I recalled. Calmly, obliviously neutral. Undisturbed by past events and without interpretation of, much less anxiety for what tomorrow offer may. I sleep without plan and wake when I wake, with time plenty for long breakfasts and good books, and I’ve a training schedule down to a finely tuned regularity. There is money saved for whim departures, am furiously independent and present for anyone at any time because though it is still rather early and we are young, these too shall expire. And so I can float from that work and any place, out into the dark and back upon the path to happening upon what it is that I am truly here for if any. You don’t realise that just like a golden Angel at full strength can you actually fly from any place or situation and survive. Not just live, but breathe free and unstaggered, abolished of all worldly restraints. You don’t realise this natural magic possessed until, passed of some clash in the chest and an elaborate reasoning you’ve developed that had suddenly convinced you’re soul it had not the strength to start over again, that many times you simply choose not to.

And by a final initiation of a decided Celestial re-ordering of my life, the very moment I began to investigate these uncharted avenues of thought regarding the wider patterns and cross-sections of what were beginning to weave the outcome of my purpose and final effect in this world, it seemed that suddenly a consistent and consecutive emergence of subtle interventions were engaged, and something quite unimaginable and well-planned had been set in motion. There I was, struck, and urged to take my first step down a corridor of the consciousness that had peeled open out of thin air, or might have been present all the while that had I ready been deemed, might have earlier been sought. Staring vacantly into the ocean of diners that fateful Friday night when through this perplexing and sedative confusion of realities, I heard my name being called..
It began as an echo and ascended upon my reveries cocoon until I was sprung loose of my blissful spell as one is from the womb slowly and regretfully expelled. I turned my attentions with seemingly a vague expectation of a harmony, towards a familiar tone and warmth – like one to a lover in silence turns. That is when I saw Sally approaching. I felt myself at once begin to sink into a peaceful relief I had not for a very long time felt and I saw in Sally’s own surprise, what may have accrued about every bit of excitement as she were capable of experiencing and nothing subdued.

434: Patagonia part 10 (asleep)

You are going to need experiences that startle you. Places that stand you astounded and silent, utterly captivated by all the beauty you never knew were possible until you saw it in that moment. Where the skies are a crisp cold blue like you’ve never felt, and below, the quieted souls of this worlds truant to the hills are drawn for their repairs. People, infrequent as meteorites that light up your night and awaken in you something deep and slumbering that cannot again find favour in rest. They change you so remarkably irrevocably, haunting you forever after, that you begin to prefer to plateau and reminisce on them, than carry on without. You’ll never again catch sight of a flame in the sky quite like it no matter the much you look. You’ll never again be dressed in her sunshine glance.

You are going to again need those long roads going nowhere, into the Arctic domain of some twisted and towering mountain range you only seem to approach or pass and never arrive at. A long enough break amid the wilds to remind you how in vain are all our plans and worries the while.

Danny James in PAtagonia

Somewhere in Patagonia, with Her 2013/2014.

Somewhere in Patagonia, 2013-2014.

406: Breathe this air

Now and then, you will look up suddenly from a task and being acutely aware of a benign agitation you have paid little notice of, you’ll straighten. By some prompting of curious immediacy you’ll crawl out from the heap you’ve taken upon your shoulders and step outside of the blur of passing moments to try to place an undistracted light on what signal is attempting to reach you amid your madness. Whatever small struggle persisting that somehow has remained undiscovered all this while. You will begin reaching back and wading through your collection of thoughts and memories looking for something that seems increasingly meaningful and imperative to the life that you’ve begun to slumber through. Like a treasure you’ve buried and will come back for someday, and somehow someday becomes almost a lifetime. When the day finally arrives that you begin digging and wondering what has happened to wonderment all these years, your curiosity escalates into an increasingly desperate fumbling in the darkness groping at you know not what, as though you cannot find your gold in the dirt anymore or fathom how you were compelled to bury something so important in the first place. Then suddenly, the bud unfolds and discloses its beauty; a knot unties and the design emerges as always, that appeared at first glance but convergence of happenstance and confusion. How remarkable that you are still surpassed by anything in this world and mostly your own actions. As usual all the questions and torments stop and dissolve, all thoroughfares eventually append at Her image. Thee, without whom seems all but a thread of same days.

It’s not that you’ve forgotten because you never have and never could, how to survive. It’s that you now choose to live like it was all there was and could be, and as though you’ve spent what was worth spending and will now go on never attempting to make your life an exhaustless string of wonderful and contrasting experiences such as make living what it is.

Life goes on living anyway, so go with it then. Else what?